What if You Don't Agree with Each Other

     This was a question that I sought some guidance on when I first got married...especially pertaining to the day that Garrett and I would have children.  There were a few spiritual things that Garrett and I disagreed on.  How would we teach our children?

     I knew, when I was growing up, that my mom and dad disagreed on how they thought the Creation story happened.  For just about everything else, mom and dad were agreed.  So I formed my own conclusions based on the data I could find, and I didn't worry too much over the answer, trusting that God would teach us someday.  And maybe the actual details of Creation were a little different than any of us had quite imagined.

     My older sister gave me this guidance: when she was teaching her children, and she came across something that she knew that she and her husband didn't agree on, she would explain that to the children.  She would say, "Your daddy and I read this a little bit differently.  Here is how I understand this passage, and here is why I think this way.  Now you should go to your daddy and ask him to explain his belief and reasoning."  She thought that this would give her children a balanced view and allow them to process different ways of seeing something and to seek God for an answer.  It also erased any tension between her and her husband because both viewpoints were treated with respect.

     Garrett and I agree on almost everything.  Sometimes I think the things we disagree on are not that different.  Maybe the disagreement is just an issue of semantics -- maybe we actually agree more than we think we do.  But whether we are actually disagreeing or we just think we are disagreeing, it is still something we have to work through.
     Garrett makes sure that we both are free to speak our beliefs.  He encourages me to share my thoughts on something even if it is different from his own.  And then we discuss it.
     He is quick to admit he was wrong and change his mind if he can see that my position was valid.  I am not quick -- it takes me a few days of pondering.  But we balance each other in this way.
     However...there are days when we both present our views and discuss them, and we still end the conversation with opposite views.
     Here is what we do: First we stare at each other in utter shock (How could he/she actually think that?!).  Then we reaffirm that both of us are willing to change if we see that our way didn't line up with God's way.  We voice our confidence that God is able to teach us and move both of us in the right direction.  We believe that we will eventually both see what is right and come into correct way of thinking.  We resolve to continue to study and pray and seek God's answer on the question.
     And I add one more thing -- something that Garrett has never asked of me, but that I think is right -- I move with him.  In other words, if we need to take immediate action and we are not agreed on the course of action, I will voice my concerns and then I will move with him wherever he decides to go.  Because we are supposed to be one.  And, if Garrett is right then I will be glad I moved with him.  And if Garrett is wrong, then it will be easier for God to move us back onto the right path if we are moving together.